New Clergy as Detectives

Well, one to two weeks are under the belts of newbie clergy who just moved to new parishes and, if they are like me, they’re pondering potential changes. Of course, someone wisely suggested to new clergy that, “You shouldn’t change anything for the first six months except your underwear!” Some may be wondering if they can wait that long. You’re probably wondering if you don’t make some strategic changes now, your “Honeymoon Advantage” may run out and be for naught. What are we to do as we make these first critical and highly analyzed/criticized decisions?

For me I have to first remember that every church is its own unique organism, family system, and culture. Therefore, what works in one place may or may not work in another. I also know that I need to find people that I can trust to tell me the unvarnished emotional history of the church. The factual history is easy enough to find in available documents, but find someone who can give you the “skinny” on the emotional processes that have occurred at nodal points in the church’s life.

How does the church handle decision making and crisis? What gets stirred up when there’s tension? Do people fight fair? Is passive-aggressive behavior the norm? Bottom line, become a church psychological detective and connect the dots of the family system.

Family systems theory, as in Edwin Friedman’s Generation to Generation: Family Process in Church and Synagogue, is fascinating. There’s no way that I can summarize such an important tome, but here’s one quote that is illustrative: “One’s life course is largely determined by the amount of unresolved emotional attachment to family of origin, the amount of anxiety that comes from it, and what to do with it.” The question for newbie clergy is to discover the hidden wounds, the unresolved emotional attachments embedded in the psyche of church members and even their larger community.

You have heard the story of the young bride who marries a guy and cooks her first pot roast. She does everything just right, but her new husband is visibly disappointed. After a heated discussion he admits that his problem is that it’s just not the way his mother made pot roast, so she dares to go talk to his mother. The mother-in-law is clueless and assures her new daughter-in-law that she didn’t do anything special. But she does admit that she learned how to make pot roast from her husband’s mother. So she suggests that she go see her mother-in-law explaining that maybe she would have some insight.

The bride goes to see the grandmother and tells her everything that she did. The grandmother nodded approvingly and with a quizzical smile and asks the bride to step into the kitchen because she had made a pot roast that very day. The bride immediately sees what the difference is. The grandmother’s pot roast is square! When asked why she had a square pot roast the grandmother said that she and her husband were so poor when they got married that the only pot that they had to cook a roast in was square so they cut off the edges of the roast to square it up to fit the pot.

Wow! This was an unresolved emotional attachment that finally made sense when the bride connected the dots and did some research. Upon explaining this to her new husband, he was okay with the change. The discovery is that a family’s, and, I daresay, a church’s emotional processes are much more important than the facts or content of the issue(s), but once the emotional processes are uncovered you can more easily accept the content of the facts or the way things are.

Some new clergy have inherited churches with “square pots” and emotional operational systems that are begging for illumination and exposure. The risk is in when to do it. Two analogies come to mind in this whole endeavor that separates emotional process from content: one about doctors and medicine and one about “river babies.”

The doctor and medicine one is pretty straightforward. Tests and procedures provide facts about a person’s condition, but we don’t rely on facts alone when we are in the throes of illness. Whether or not we trust the doctor is of huge importance. A doctor can have all the facts (content) straight but have the bedside manner of a frog run over in the road (emotional process) and we are not happy, and say that we want a second opinion when what we really want is a second doctor who really cares and takes it personally that we survive!

The story about “river babies” is also helpful to ponder in a who-done-it assessment of our new churches. In this story many of townspeople are down at the nearby river and they notice a toddler floating by about to drown. Many rush in and rescue the child, then another child starts floundering by, and then another, and another and on and on. They call to get more townspeople to come help pull all these babies from the river when two men desert them. As the deserters are heading up the riverbank someone calls out and says, “Why are you leaving us? Where are you going? We need you here to help us save these babies!” The guys reply, “We are going upstream to stop whoever is throwing them in!”

In our decision to let things slide for 6 months or not, do we keep pulling babies out of the water reacting to the tyranny of the urgent, or do we try to figure out what the systemic cause is of our under-functioning? Every situation, family, church, and community can be better. The biggest room in the world is the room for improvement. God bless us as we determine whether or not to tread water or go upstream against the flow and do something about the real issues. Happy detective hunting as we separate the facts from the emotional processes at work in our new places of ministry.


Stopping the Shut-down: Me and U.S.

Reading my devotional this morning I found myself in John 5. It is chock full of the value of intimacy to God over the rote traditions of the religious, but what caught my eye and heart was Jesus’ question to the guy who’s been paralyzed for 38 years. The man has been lying there next to the Pool of Bethesda waiting and hoping for an angelic stirring of the waters, and perhaps the bigger miracle that someone would help him get into the water first. I guess the most desperate or the ones with the most friends beat him out every time.

For 38 years this guy has been waiting, wanting his life to change, to be healed. Jesus seemingly asks him the dumbest question ever in John 5:6, “Do you want to get well?” The question almost seems mean-spirited, as if Jesus is making light of the man’s condition. At best, it appears insensitive. Of course, we know Jesus is never that callous, especially to those who are suffering. So what’s Jesus getting at?

Then I think about the government shut-down in Washington, D.C., or me with some of my afflictions and foibles. Sometimes we enjoy the status quo more than the risk of real change. Think about it. When Jesus asked the man if he wanted to get well, he didn’t answer. He just made excuses about not having anyone to help him get into the healing waters. So as usual something else is going on here. Do our political parties really want things to get better, or does their very existence dictate intractable conflict. Without some kind of fight going on they don’t have a reason to be. It’s that simple.

I don’t know about you but I’m ready for real change, and not just the appearance of wanting change by sitting by the healing waters of the Pool or the Potomac. What does Jesus say to the man and perhaps to our laissez-faire government that gets more PAC money the longer the partisan bickering and stalemates last? Jesus says, “Get up! Pick up your mat and walk.” Jesus says, “Get over yourself and your excuses. Tell the powers that be who want to keep you paralyzed and shut-down to get over themselves. It’s a new day. If we’re going to be about the Father’s business, it going to be about healing and not hurting. The nuts hung up on process have taken over and it’s time to let them go so that the real prisoners can be set free. It’s time – Do you want to get well?”

Do I want to get well? You? Aren’t we a lot like the invalid? We want our prayers answered, but are afraid we might miss the sympathetic attention if they are. We would love freedom, but are comfortable captives. We want to change, but we don’t want to change too much. Instead of answering Jesus’ question about getting well, we make excuses. Good Lord, we’re as divided in our souls as Congress is. Apparently, we prefer a woe-is-me existence over change and risk.

Today, this day, we need to take a chance and take up our mats, leave what paralyzes us behind and walk into a new day as individuals, as a people, as a country. We must be willing to leave old ways behind. To know Jesus is to know that nothing will ever be the same again. And it’s worth it for those who dare to do what Jesus says. It’s time for Congress and us to make changes! We may look foolish if we try to make a difference in a jaded world, but the real fools are the ones still sitting on their hands and doing nothing. Take up you mat and walk! Today!

Carrie Underwood’s “Change” is a good reminder to us and our government that we can set the prisoners free. Sometimes the prisoner is me – locked into my own personal status quo of inertia, perhaps enjoying the stalemate in my heart a little too much. It’s time to be a fool for Christ and embrace change, use change, and move literally off the stuck dimes of our lives.