Have you ever wondered how to respond to someone? The holidays often provide more than a few awkward moments that test our wits. I didn’t write this list of “Essential Sayings,” and can’t even remember where I got it, but as a District Superintendent with 7 months to go in an 8-year term, it seems wise to pass these along now. Think of these as gestalt therapy for preachers – helpful self-talk. With Thanksgiving coming up, everybody, clergy and laity alike, might need to put these to good use. I wonder if there are any that you would add as essential sayings – write them in the comments!
TOP 12 ESSENTIAL SAYINGS FOR MINISTERS
12. That sounds like a great idea! I encourage you to take the ball and run with it.
Empower those with passion. They might look confused or disappointed that you didn’t add their suggestion to the top of your to-do list – that’s ok – or they might have just gotten the permission they needed to be a member in ministry.
11. Thank you for sharing your conflicts with [name] with me. Let’s think together about how you might address them with [name].
Develop an aversion to geometry – particularly getting caught in triangles between adversaries.
10. That is not an appropriate question/comment. My appearance/family/financial situation is off limits.
Ah, Life in the fishbowl. Gently remind (generally) well-intended people that if they wouldn’t say it to other professionals who provide care to them, they shouldn’t say it to you either.
9. [When grabbed on Sunday mornings] I appreciate this information. Could you call or email me this week to remind me? What you have told me is important, and often I don’t retain what I’m told in passing on Sunday mornings because there is so much going on.
Sunday mornings are your best opportunity to interface with the largest number of church members, which means you’re bombarded by information about pastoral care needs and ideas for new ministries. But you’ll also need all the brain cells at your disposal for the five-hour sprint, so put the onus back on others to remind you later about what they want you to recall.
8. I do not give weight to anonymous complaints, but I would be happy to talk face-to-face with anyone who has a concern.
Emphasize this early and often, and get your leadership on board so that they can encourage others to put on their big girl/boy pants and confront issues directly.
7. I could use your experience/expert help with [task].
Even the most broad-based seminary curricula don’t include construction, marketing, or tech support. Give folks a chance to lead by asking them to share their talents in God’s service.
6. I’d love to meet/attend your event on [day], but I take that day for self-care so that I will be fully ready to minister with you and others the rest of the week.
This one is tricky, and there are exceptions. Learn what yours are, and flex the time out elsewhere when you exercise them.
5. Let’s bring [colleagues/trusted lay leaders] in on this situation to help us think it through.
Lone rangers are prone to mistakes and have no one to back them up when the junk hits the fan.
4. Thank you for your email. Since the situation you name is both important and has some nuance and complexity to it, I think it would be most helpful to continue the conversation in person. When can you meet?
There is a time for email conversations, especially when you need documentation of your steps and others’ words. But real quagmires are often exacerbated by the limitations of text, the option to hit “forward,” and the lag time in responses.
3. The [rule/policy in question] is in place to ensure the safety and welcome of everyone in our community. This [rule/policy] applies to everyone equally, and I enforce it because I care about you/your child.
In a world full of excuses, exceptions, and entitlements, showing fairness and putting a person’s well-being over your need to be liked is uncomfortable but prophetic and pastoral.
2. When I am on vacation, my phone will be off and I will not be checking email. You may contact the church if you need immediate help.
Remind your people – and yourself – that you are not indispensable. The church will stand and time will march on if you take a week or two to rest your body and feed your mind. You can always have someone who is qualified on call or let your administrative assistant or Lay Leader discern if the situation is an absolute emergency that demands your response.
1. Thank you!
Say this sincerely, often, and in a variety of ways.