Dealing with Death and Suicide on Gaudete Sunday

Sudden death gut punches us with the dreaded reality that life will never be the same. This Sunday is going to be especially difficult for one church and several families this year. I just received a report that a wonderful elderly couple was found dead in an apparent murder-suicide. They were both great people, and people of faith. I don’t know all of the details, as if anyone can, but the report thus far suggests that declining health may have led to this drastic decision. I hurt for their families and desperately hurt for these precious people.

How can anyone who believes in Christmas joy and Easter resurrection see these terrible acts as a viable option in the face of life’s difficulties? Death at one’s own hand flies in the face of the joy and hope that we Christians profess. I personally know life is difficult, but there is no easy way out for anyone in these situations. The survivors of such actions are scarred for life, including the generations that follow. There are palliative methods to ease life’s burdens through the comfort of family, friends, the church, and hospice, without the necessity of such desperate action.

Certainly I don’t think that suicide is an unpardonable sin. I have known situations where people simply could not see beyond their hands, so to speak. The darkness so fully enveloped them that poor decisions were made. They were momentarily out of their best minds or thinking to a degree, and if human courts let people off due to temporary insanity, how much more will the courts of heaven? God is a God of grace and mercy and that is my firm hope in this situation, and there is little else to go on in this bewildering time. A decision was made, whether with rational culpability or irrational nonsense, and lives and families have been shattered. Who in their right mind would want people to remember the circumstances of their death instead of all the years of faith, good deeds, and positive character traits? It just doesn’t make sense, and I guess that’s the point. We will never know the whole story so we’re left wondering and crying.

I just wish that I and others might have picked up on the warning signs, and somehow my mind keeps debating if Christianity as a whole has let such people down. Instead of encouraging an endurance that comes from hope and a joy that is not dependent on circumstances, we have often taught people to count on themselves for supposed solutions. The essence of the Christian faith is to count on God, but we are either too distracted by the world or prosperity-Gospel advocates to know that band-aids and panaceas only mask pain, not defeat it.

Although specifically difficult for grieving families, this coming Sunday is still Gaudete Sunday, otherwise known as “Joy Sunday” with its pink candle on the Advent Wreath.  “Gaudete” comes from the Latin gaudium which means “joy,” and it’s the source of our contemporary word “gaudy.” When I think of something that’s gaudy, I think “tacky” more than joyful. In the face of any tragic news I have to wonder whether we are joyful enough as Christians to be called tacky. Do we dare proclaim faith, hope, and even joy as an affront to the dour and horrible machinations of the forces that would cause pain and suffering? We are fighting a war between joy and despondency, and lights and tinsel aren’t weapons enough.

Jesus, the conqueror of death and despair, is the King who has come and is coming again, yet I’m afraid that we have domesticated his incarnation with decorations and pleasantries so much that we miss the audacious joy, the tacky but unconquerable hope that flows from the amazing news of a Savior who left the safety of eternity and immersed himself in time to be with us in our every trial. As a result we have gotten so caught up in the peripheral trappings of Christmas that we have been less than Incarnational with those hurting around us. We keep silent and dare not be tacky enough to intrude and enter their pain. It’s high time to be tacky once again. This is Gaudete Sunday’s solemn reminder to me in the face of this tragedy.

Someone anonymously said, “The cross leads to joy and not just happiness. There is a difference between joy and happiness. Happiness is a checkbook that has money, a car that works, a good date for Saturday night. Happiness is the absence of major hassles, or terrorism or crime; happiness is kids getting good report cards and spouses getting a raise. Happiness is something we know as enhancement or protection of our own lives. Joy comes in connection with another or with Jesus. Joy can happen without money or a working car. Joy happens when we get to the core of life and realize that love is at the center. Joy befriends us; love accompanies us. Jesus is God-with-us and will never leave or forsake us. Joy is not the absence of suffering; it is the presence of God.”

May God grant peace to all those who are suffering that they may know the audacity of Christ’s presence, the essence of joy. Happiness is fleeting while joy endures forever. Perhaps more than ever, we need Gaudete Sunday this year.

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8 thoughts on “Dealing with Death and Suicide on Gaudete Sunday

  1. This left me sickened as I heard news on the radio in the car. Thank you for your article and reminder that we are not to do life alone. Somehow this news and knowing the wonderful persons left me with a vulnerability of anticipated aging and living in this world!

    Thank you for the reminder that God is the source of our joy. There is nothing like it in the world and we all need desperately to hear that message over and over again.

    I believe 30 days of disciplined reading God’s Word will reap 30 more days of desiring God’s Word to bring about 30 more days of delighting in God’s Word!

  2. It’s important to remember that there are people in our midst who are in intense pain even though we may not see it. The smallest, kindest gesture may take miniscule effort and seem rather insignificant, yet if God allows us to be in a certain place and in a particular time He can amplify the gesture so that it has maximum impact on showing God’s love through our actions.

    You mention death as one circumstance that separates family members from their loved ones. We also have to remember the families that are broken apart because a loved one is incarcerated. My heart is broken when I read an article about a mother or father is sentenced to 5 or 10 years in prison for embezzlement or theft, often leaving behind young children without their mommy or daddy.

    I won’t use this time to argue whether the sentenced is deserved by the offender, but only to point out that the sentence affects far more than the offender him or herself. Our country has the highest per-capita incarceration rate than any other nation, so this is affecting more families than most realize.

    I pray that those who are separated from family members for whatever reason will feel God’s presence and live in the joy that any separation — whether by death or chains — is powerless against God’s love and grace and for that reason that separation will come to an end when they are ultimately reunited with their loved one.

  3. I, too have been pondering what we might have missed with Jim and Mary Jean – what did we fail to say or do that left them with the belief that murder-suicide was the right solution to Alzheimer’s and failing health. I can only say that they were wonderful people who truly loved one another and I believe that they thought they might spare their families the burden of years of caregiving. It is the unintended feelings of guilt and grief and horror that their families and friends will have to live with that they somehow failed to see in making their plans. My prayer is for peace and comfort and reconciliation in the midst of anger and pain and grief for all who knew and loved them.

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